Google Requirement: Pure White Hat SEO or Perish in Hell!!

I wanted to be the first to break this story. Google is going to announce next week a new policy regarding SEO. Either you practice Pure White Hat SEO methods or you will have your site removed from their index. No ifs ands or buts about it.

“It has gotten to the point where we just have to put our foot down regarding all this Spam and Black Hat techniques,” said Matt Cutts, one of the most well-known engineers by webmasters. “I mean, we’ve given them so many chances to comply, the time is now to end the madness.”

Cutts also stated that he had taken long-time “Black Hat Spammer” Leslie Rohde and converted him to the truth of White Hat SEO. The conversion was so powerful at the GooglePlex that the earth actually shook (reporters said it was an earthquake, but what do they know). Since all the evilness has been purged from Rohde, he is now known as “Sister Leslie”.Leslie Rodhe - The New Face of White Hat SEO

“I hope all SEOs will look to Sister Rohde for guidance,” said Cutts. “If not, they will learn a new term, Google Purgatory, from whence there is no return.”

Note: When asked the specifics of the definition of “White Hat SEO” Cutts stated there would be a teleseminar announced which will go over all aspects of the program, as well as integration inside of Google Webmaster Tools. “Just say out of the “fire” area and you should be okay,” concluded Cutts.

25 Responses to “Google Requirement: Pure White Hat SEO or Perish in Hell!!”

  1. Ben Pate says:

    Now that is funny Jerry!

  2. Rick Hardman says:

    A little late for April fools day, aren’t we Jerry? You really need to get a day planner :)

  3. Ron Castle says:

    I read in a Google follow-up post that white hat SEO’s must also sign a celebacy pledge and practice slope soaring twice a week aka the flying none. This may be why there are so few white hat SEOs?

  4. Mary Bowling says:

    Jerry, I’d love to see you in a nun outfit, too. Come on….

  5. That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all week Jerry, you really surpassed yourself with that one.

  6. Sweet Mother of God.

  7. Jerry West says:

    I am sure payback from Leslie will be painful…

  8. It is nice to see Sister Leslie Rohde has kicked her bad “habits”.

  9. That’s almost as good as when you had Connor ask for Leslie at the “Live 5″ event. It will be interesting to see what “Sister Rohde” brews up in retaliation!

  10. Rodney Trotter says:

    Well, when I look at that picture I see black and white. Which will Leslie really follow? Only God, I mean Google, knows.

  11. reward says:

    I have been struggling after page rank loss for almost 2 years. Lost page rank, worked endlessly, removed anything that could be considered bad or sneaky, requested reinclusion 3 times. Never got page rank back. Of course nobody ever told me why. Site (unnamed here) is included in the index, but with no page rank traffic is 10% of what it was.

  12. edwin says:

    What’s next ? Pope Matt I

  13. Jerry West says:

    Being the good sport that I am, Leslie got me – and got me pretty good….

    http://leslierohde.com/?q=node/29

  14. Marc Menell says:

    Well, this sounds kinda stiff from Google, i really hope it is a joke…anyway…i have never used black hat, since it usually includes many dedicated servers and high programming skill = expensive.

  15. Jerry West says:

    Marc, it was a joke. :-)

  16. design says:

    Very interesting angle. Kinda like how we shouldnĆƒĀ¢Ć¢ā€šĀ¬Ć¢ā€žĀ¢t be focusing on web standards so much as producing good content.

  17. online backgammon says:

    Could you please give me some suggestions how can we make our blog no follow free.

  18. Jack roberts says:

    Thanks for your post. Actually I am unaware of the SEO before seeing this topic but I am now clear of it.

    Jack roberts

  19. internet marketing services says:

    thats real funny

  20. Jerry West Close to Historic Sponsorship Deal says:

    Sister Leslie Rohde, noted SEO evangelist and long time nemesis of Mr. West’s, had this to say of the announcement “I’m all for this new alliance. By far the best way to improve search results is to get Jerry to spend more time on email.” Several other residents of the Google rectory, interviewed on the condition of anonymity, were also very excited at the news, describing it as ā€œa sign of divine providenceā€.

  21. Dan says:

    this is one of the funniest posts i’ve read!

  22. Hi,
    Can i know how we check Google *White Hat SEO technique*
    Thanks

  23. voir baiser says:

    I encounterd problems reading your site with internet explorer, you have to update your site

  24. Jerry West says:

    As Pud would say … “Upgrade your browser f-snack.”

  25. Breindal says:

    Being a nun, isnt always funny. But this article is :-P

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